By admin 
The issue of identity construction in children is already a challenge for adults. However, identity construction in children with disabilities can be even more challenging for families with atypical or neurodivergent children .
Many parents and guardians break out in a cold sweat thinking about the moment when their children will start to have questions about respect for their differences , such as “What if my child asks why he is like that?”
And, with this in mind, we have prepared this article with tips to help you deal with the relationship between self-image and the construction of children’s identity.
Let the child ask
Believe it or not, waiting for a child to understand and come to their own conclusions can cause a lot of anxiety in adults. In general, we have the urge to talk about each subject in its complexity, anticipating things that are beyond what children can understand.
There is a popular story in which a child asks his father what the word “virgin” means and the father gets all confused, trying to talk about sexuality in a gentle and innocent way. In the end, the child had read “virgin olive oil” on a package and did not understand. This story shows that when we try to anticipate someone else’s thoughts, we can fail miserably.
Please be patient in your responses.
In this context, children are naturally inquisitive about the need to ask questions and query everything around them. It is very human to move forward on a discovery journey, something that comes naturally.
Even if your child is not diagnosed with any particular condition, there is a time when he or she will ask you why his or her nose is like that or why his or her hair is like that, and we, as parents, have to ready ourselves for those simple yet honest answers. Unlike adults, children tend to cope better with controversial issues when they receive content naturally and simply. After all, they don’t possess all the information adults have, so always answer your child’s questions as objectively and kindly as possible.
We all have limitations
It is important, especially for children with disabilities, that we use simple language to educate and raise awareness of their particularities.
To help children with disabilities build their identity, try to give examples that are part of the symbolic universe and bet on associations with what they already know. Avoid addressing identity issues from the perspective of scarcity, that is, ableism, the way society views and treats people with disabilities.
Instead, help the child develop self-esteem by understanding that they have skills, abilities and talents just like everyone else. The understanding of who they are must be built even before the child understands the social mechanisms of interaction and exclusion.
Knowing their strengths and positive personality traits can provide the child with tools to deal with adversity.
Teach about boundaries
During the process of identity development, children will inevitably interact with other children, who in turn will also continue to learn to regulate themselves.
They may experience and experience social pressures, be affected by bullying, and even experience mental health challenges.
Therefore, adults should be able to explain- at the child’s level of understanding-what others can and cannot say about me-and consequences of malign or other nasty talk.
The child should be made to understand that nothing wrong has been done in the manner in which he expresses himself within the world, as they deserve respect at all times.
Keeping an eye on references
Even without realizing it, parents and family members are role models for children all the time. This makes them pay more attention to our actions than to what we say is right or wrong. Therefore, we need to keep our eyes wide open to what we do in front of our children on a daily basis.
Children tend to reproduce what they see at home, including when it comes to inclusion.
A parent who stands firm and kind when they witness a situation of ableism teaches their child much more about security and self-confidence than one who tries to prevent their child from being exposed to this type of situation.
Exercise empathy
Provide emotional support to your child whenever they show understanding of injustices and feelings of limitation. Showing that everyone faces their own challenges can encourage your child to move forward with resilience. Talking about success stories and inspiring characters with similar conditions can also help. The sense of belonging and empathy can help your child understand that they are not alone.
The child will not always understand
Sometimes the child does not even realize why he is so much more different from others simply because he cannot understand exactly why there is such a huge gap in their intellectual strength due to an entirely different level of intellectual impairment depending on the child’s age. The bottom line is we are not always given all the answers. If this remains a recurring and challenging problem for your child, consider seeking professional help discussing the matter.
If necessary, seek external support
Talking to teachers and therapists about your child’s development is always a way to help promote healthy development. Emotional education and psychological support are essential for children to grow up feeling free and confident in expressing themselves.
Reading is repertoire
It makes us ready to penetrate the world, but we can also exercise our imagination about it. Reading can bring us knowledge in ways we cannot get through everyday experience since, when we read, we learn more than if we were just sitting there and watching the events pass by.
Even if your child doesn’t read actively, it is important to read to your child and let them have a physical way of approaching books. The habit of holding a book, turning pages, and looking at the sequence of letters creates a spark in the mind and makes reading seem closer.
Look the child in the eyes
Establishing a true connection with a child is very important in building their identity. When we get down to the child’s level, when we look them in the eye, we are allowing them to feel seen and recognized as an individual. This process of building their identity is a path that they will follow until adulthood, but it needs to be very well structured from childhood.
The construction of identity in children with disabilities will not happen overnight.
Therefore, remember: this is a path that does not need to be walked alone; it can be much easier and even more fun if it is done alongside people who care and are willing to offer answers. 🩵